Dr. Ramani's Blog

This New Year I want you to take a moment and reflect on how much of your life is really your own and how much your life is being conducted solely in the service of others.  Are you in a job that satisfies you or is it for your father?  Are you in a relationship with a partner that is right for you or is it for your mother?  Are you getting married to your partner because you really want a life with this person or because your friends are all getting married? Are you making decisions in your life that are based on your gut instincts or are you living at the behest of society – trying to drive the “right” car, carry the “right” bag, know the “right” people.  Are you so buried under expectations that you have numbed your dreams?

Basically – you are outsourcing you.

So here’s an idea for a new year’s resolution.  Stop outsourcing your life.

Outsourcing is generally not good.  It benefits a few people, but by and large it results in poorer quality, less control and more blind consumption.

Because guess what?  This outsourcing thing is going to screw up the one resolution that most Americans are making today.

Lose weight.

A long time ago – most of us started outsourcing how we eat.  Many of us were asked to be in the “clean plate club” as kids – and ate everything our parents gave us (how could they know how hungry you are?).  Then as adults, we mindlessly eat enormous restaurant portions because they are put in front of us (how can the chef know how hungry you are?), or follow restrictive diet plans that command us to eat prepackaged meals at prepackaged times- and not taking a moment to actually reflect:  Am I hungry?  Am I full?  And exactly why am I overeating?  How can you sustain a weight loss if you listen to someone else to achieve it but then someday have to live in the normal world? Short answer – you probably can’t.  And the weight comes back because you start eating (and living) for the same broken reasons.

If we can’t listen to ourselves at the table, how the hell are we supposed to listen to ourselves on the big ticket stuff?  Jobs, love, kids, spending.    And all this outsourcing makes us pretty ineffectual at making decisions and makes us pros at second guessing ourselves.

Outsourcing is easy and efficient – it means not making decisions, following the orders of others, (so then you can avoid responsibility when it doesn’t work out) and wondering why we never feel full.  If your life isn’t full – you are going to find a way to fill up – and empty jobs, empty relationships and empty lives can be filled temporarily by double cheeseburgers and new handbags.

This new year, resolve to stop outsourcing your life – take it back. Take a moment before each meal, each snack, each choice, and check in with you – rather than blindly being a company man.  Instead of being blind corporate wonks each of us should be an entrepreneur – blazing our own courses, being brave, taking chances and listening to ourselves. At the table, and in all areas of our life.

Take your life back – start at the table.  Eat slower, listen to your body.  Someone else cannot know if you are hungry or full or happy or sad.

Ask yourself what you want your life to look like.

Then make it so.